Harmony is Home

When Harmony stepped outside on that brisk day in February only to smell smoke through the biting cold, her heart sank. It was a sinking so palpable it made her arms and legs numb and put a lump in her throat. Made her shift her weight from side to side, fidgeting with a thought that wouldn’t let her sit still. Made it hard to keep walking, even as the cold urged her on towards the train station. She could only think of an impending summer made uninhabitable by the smoke, to winter made uninhabitable by cold. Now not even the beautiful shoulder seasons were safe. The weather was extreme, all the time, forever.

She got home, as usual. She closed the door behind her and stood in the vestibule of her townhouse for a moment, the howling wind locked outside. She listened to the sound of the furnace kicking in, grateful that her unit was sandwiched between two others and had fewer exterior walls. She listened to the fridge with its dying pump, the buzzing entryway light. All noises of an interior world that she had never fully gotten used to. She flipped the lightswitch off and savored a few moments in the dark without that last noise. Then she shuffled out of her bulky, down-filled coat, and contorted herself to wrestle her half-frozen feet out of stiff winter boots.

She continued into her bedroom, shedding layers in the dim winter light, refusing to flip on a single light switch, until she stood in front of her dresser. She peeled off her fleece tights after a couple hopping, staggering attempts, and walked straight into the bathroom for a hot shower.

Her preferred water temperature happened to be the one that made the pipes resonate and scream inside her walls, so she took a shower that was just a little colder than she would have liked.

When she got out, she put on sweatpants and did her best to feel better, but couldn’t seem to sit down. She hovered from room to room, fussing over little things. Pulled out her furnace filter and checked the colour. Hovered her hands around her windows to see if there were drafts. Wondered if she should close or half-close vents in the spare room to save the furnace a bit of work.

She checked her power bars. Her computer, her stereo, her exercise equipment, were all plugged into power bars with physical ‘off’ switches. Someone had once pointed out that if you left them plugged in, they wasted power on little glowing LEDs, timers, and sleep modes.

She made sure they were all turned off.

There was a knock on the door. Harmony paused and racked her brain. Was she expecting someone?

She was. Her sister had said she’d drop by to drop off some air quality monitors, and Harmony had forgotten like the ditz she was. Pausing only briefly to throw on a chunky secondhand pullover, she hurried to the door and let her in.

Harmony’s sister Coco was standing in the hall of her building, staring at her phone. When the door opened, she glanced up.

“Hey kiddo. How’re things?” Her eyes went back to her phone and she shuffled in like an apparition, carelessly flicking on the buzzing entryway lights. She set a tote bag down on the floor and kicked off her chelsea boots, then strolled into the kitchen to take a seat at the table, flicking on lightswitches all the way. She didn’t remove her coat.

Harmony gathered her boots and placed them neatly at the side of her entry mat, and followed her sister, turning off every light behind her. Coco repeated herself.

“I said, how are things?”

“Huh? Oh, fine.” Harmony hovered in the doorway, unsure whether to sit or stand. Unsure what to do with her hands.

Coco put down her phone and seemed to consider her more thoroughly.

“Long day? You seem out of it.”

“Yeah. I guess so.”

“Have a seat, you’re making me nervous just standing there. I’ll make some tea.”

Coco took her jacket off and stood. Harmony’s kitchen was probably more familiar to Coco than it was to Harmony. Coco had been the one who had unpacked it when she first moved in. She was the one who organized it. She was the one with the most Kitchen Opinions. Half of the things in it were Coco’s hand-me-downs. Harmony sat down and let her take control.

“Linda and I are going on vacation again.” She said, filling up the kettle.

“Where to?” Harmony asked.

Coco raised an eyebrow.

“It’s February, we’re going to the same place we go every February, Harmony.”

“Oh right. New Zealand?”

“Yeah. You should come with us again. It’s been a couple years since you came along. And this one will be an important trip. Do you want assam or earl grey?”

Harmony’s brow furrowed.

“Do I have anything without caffeine?”

“Decaf is a waste of time. I’ll do Earl Grey. God, it’s freezing in here. I’m turning up the heat.” She dipped into the hallway, flicking the light back on.

Harmony glanced up at the clock hanging above the door. It was an old analog one with a teal face. It had belonged to their parents in the old house. Harmony didn’t have any particular attachment to it, but she wasn’t allowed to get rid of it without Coco’s permission.

Coco returned to the counter and continued talking as the furnace fan spun up again.

“We’ve got most of our things in order now. Long-term visas. Linda can work remote and I should be able to find another job. We’re going to be doing more house-hunting than vacationing this time around.”

“Mm” said Harmony. “That’s a shame.”

Coco shrugged.

“Once we move, we’ll have plenty of time to do vacation stuff. I still think you should join us though. It’s not too late to book a ticket, you know.”

Harmony sighed.

“If you’re going to be house hunting I’d just get in the way.”

“Not at all. We’d value your opinion. And it’d be good for you in the long term anyways.”

The kettle shut off. Coco turned around and poured a measured amount of water into the ultra-modern, cylindrical teapot that she had bought for Harmony. It was the same one that Coco had at home.

Harmony paused. She racked her brain for something else that she had forgotten, but came up blank.

“It would?”

Coco finished pouring and set the kettle down.

“You should descale this soon.” She said, tapping the kettle with a short fingernail, “and yes, it would. You’re going to be living there too at some point.”

Harmony’s brow furrowed.

“I am?” She tried to keep the confusion out of her voice.

“Siri, set a timer for four and a half minutes.”

Coco’s phone beeped on the table and gave a robotically female acknowledgement, before asking if she wanted music while she waited. Coco declined. She sat down and immediately picked her phone up again.

“Well yeah, obviously.”

Harmony struggled to find the words. Something she could say that wouldn’t place her into the position of naive little sister.

“It’s… obvious that I’m going to move to New Zealand with you and your girlfriend?”

“Linda is my fiancee. And yes, eventually.”

“Eventually?”

Coco frowned at her.

“Yes? I’m your only living family, and…” she gestured vaguely at the air, at the townhouse, at everything “...this place sucks.”

“My house does not suck.”

“No, no, not your apartment. I mean here. This town. This stupid province. All of North America. It’s all going to shit.”

Comprehension started to dawn on Harmony.

“Oh.” was all she said, “ohhhhhhh.”

“Yeah.”

A moment of silence passed as Harmony tried to digest this information. She knew that Coco was toying with the idea of buying property in New Zealand, but Harmony had assumed that was a vacation home. She was certainly wealthy enough for it. Linda’s family was there too.

“So you’re like. Moving moving.”

Coco’s demeanor had changed as well. It was a complicated sisterly expression that lay somewhere between “I can’t believe how dumb you are” and “I hope I didn’t upset you.”

“Yes, we are moving moving. I’m sorry, I thought you’d have figured that out.”

“Well, I guess I have now.” Harmony started to fidget, despite herself. It was one of her tells. She couldn’t help it - the sinking feeling was back. Of course Coco picked up on it. She continued.

“Well we are not staying here. I am not living here. Who even knows if gay marriage will still be legal here by the time our wedding rolls around? And that’s just the tip of the iceberg.”

“Yeah.” Harmony said. “I know.”

The alarm on Coco’s phone went off, and she silenced it, scraping the chair as she got up. Harmony watched in silence as she fetched two mugs from the cupboard, filled them with lukewarm water from the kettle to warm them up, dumped them, and then set one in front of her and poured a perfectly steeped cup of earl grey.

Harmony stared at it. Then, grimacing, she took a breath and looked her sister in the eyes.

“Well, I’m staying here.” She said.

Coco gave her an incredulous look.

“For how long?”

“For… the foreseeable future? I don’t want to move to New Zealand.”

“Harmony…” There was annoyance in Coco’s voice now, more than anything. Harmony’s eyes couldn’t meet her sister’s any more, and she went back to staring at the steam rising from the mug.

“You’re going to stay here? With all the…” she gestured again at everything in general. “The smoke and the cold and the backwards hicks and the homophobia and the backsliding legislation and the privatization of healthcare?”

Coco was so articulate. Harmony could only nod, still staring at the mug. Her heart was beating fast enough that she was worried her sister could hear it in the silence that ensued.

“Why?”

“Because it’s home.”

Coco’s phone buzzed again. She glanced down at it, took a few rapid sips from her tea, and stood up to dump the rest in the sink.

“I’ve gotta go,” she said, “But we’ll talk about this later, okay?”

Harmony shrugged.

“Okay?”

“Yeah, okay.”

She shrugged on her coat and slipped back into her chelsea boots. Harmony stood, stiffly, and walked her to the door.

“I’ll see you later Kiddo. Remember, I love you.”

“I love you too.” Harmony said, smiling a quarter-smile. The door finally shut, and she was alone with the sound of the buzzing entryway light again. She switched it off, switched all the lights off, and returned to the table by the window, warming her hands on the mug of tea.

After a few minutes of contemplation, of replaying the conversation in her head, she decided that there was no better answer. “Because it’s home.” It was true and simple. And it was less hurtful than “Because I look forward to every time you’re gone.”

Harmony added, whispering to nobody in particular, “and I don’t think we can run from any of this, even on the other side of the world.”

She knew Coco would still be in one of her moods the next time they spoke. She’d come back to Harmony hurt, and ask for an apology. And Harmony would apologize. But at least she hadn’t said anything she didn’t mean.

“I’m staying here” she recited to herself under her breath, practicing for their next confrontation. “I love you, but I’m staying here.” And she meant every word.

She got up and dumped the tea in the sink.